Well, it's what I do. The thoughts have been coming so fast that I think they've been keeping me up at night.
I haven't been sleeping again. Despite trying sleeping pills or muscle relaxers. I'll get to about 1 a.m. and wake up. At that point, it's toss and turn, sleep for about half and hour, toss and turn, sleep another half hour, and this pattern repeats until about six, when Justin leaves. Then I doze for about another hour until Jordan gets up. The problem is either too many thoughts, or the fact that I need to switch pillows around again. Eh, we'll see.
Guys, avert your eyes of the next sentence. It's PMS week, so I want to eat. All the time I want to eat. And the fact that it's Christmas makes it harder because we have treats that I didn't even make laying around. I have been working really hard at how I eat. I've been eating less, drinking more water, adding more roughage, etc. But there's one......not really an "issue" because I've been working successfully around it. But I like what I eat. That's why I eat it. I've been raised on, as mom calls them, comfort foods. Home cookin'. She was raised on it. Her mother was raised on it. And the fact is, for the most part, it's not that bad for you. We always bring in veggies to the meal. Usually as fresh as they can be. We've worked in more whole grain and multi-grain stuff. And despite all the baking I did last week, I haven't eaten hardly any of it. I've eaten more of the actual bananas than the banana bread. And of the four or five batches of cookies I made last week, I've had about one out of each. If that.
No, I don't eat fantastically healthy. But the truth is, I don't want to. I don't want to limit myself and take away the things I love. Moderation is key, right? And that has been my friend over the last couple of weeks. I am so close to my initial goal. I am within about two to three pounds of it....(turn away here too, guys)....but I'm PMSing so I'm holding a bunch of water. And I'm sure I put a pound or so back on with the goodies we've had around the house. People have told me "it's that time of year! Don't worry about it!" But I do. If I could eat whatever I wanted and not worry about it, I would. But I've never been that way.
The truth is, I love food. And I love starchy foods. But I do enjoy fruits a lot, I enjoy veggies. Just not as much! :-) And honestly, it's only once in a while (usually about now) that I want junk food. I tend to ride in the middle of the road.
I'm not built to be skinny. I never wanted to be skinny. I don't mind being built like this. I'm built like a mom. Sure, a little out of shape. But that's fixable. The truth is...I'm not fully unhappy with the way I look. My body doesn't depress me. It does from time to time bum me out when I look at my outfit and see a belly poking over. But it's okay. I'm working on it. If it gets better GREAT!!! If it doesn't go down much at all, that's okay too. My family loves me for who I am, not how I look. My friends to do too!......right? :-) Just kidding. If someone looks at me and says "She's fat, I don't want to get to know her", then so be it. Let them be that small of a person. I keep people in my life that make me happy and make me smile. That will never change.
I'm a work in progress. School detoured me last week. If I wasn't playing with the baby, I was working on my paper. Paper is done. The next class should be fairly quick and easy. And my motivation is back up. Time to take care of business!
So anyway....Vegas is a few weeks away. I started back with my exercising today. Gotta tone up the wings and help burn the blubber. I am SO excited to go on this trip! I've never been, and this will be mine and Justin's first vacation together. It'll also be my first vacation in....um....well, since I was a kid and would fly to see my dad. As for REAL vacation for playing...I don't think I've been on one since I went to Disneyland in '88.
And I want to look sexy! No, I won't be fully ideal by then. But I can be on my way and still look good in a dress! :-)
Now on to something more positive. Jordan. I told either Justin or mom that I don't need a Christmas present this year, that he is my gift. He was just a few months early for Christmas. Last night, I nearly cried at how full of love I was for him. I just wanted to snuggle with him and not stop. He is such an amazing baby. Beautiful, funny, playful, smart.....perfect. He really is the best gift I've ever been given. It's going to be very hard for me when we go next month. It's one thing to have him stay at my parents' house over night. He's just up the road. We'll be hundreds of miles away! I know he'll be fine. But it'll still be tough.
So...thank you for reading my blog today. It is likely my last ramble before Christmas. So to all my friends and loyal readers.......don't you have some presents to wrap? :-)
Merry Christmas!!!
